You know why the Yankees are so successful? No, it's not because of Mickey Mantle or Roger Clemens. It's the pinstripes. Could that be the same reason Ness is so good? Because his father knew to dress him up in stripes? Sure, old Abagnale might not have pictured his son using his clothes to subtly beat on the local gang leader, but he knew that style is everything. Ness's clothes might not be the overly stylish $900 Armani suits you would expect on Abagnale, but he's not too far off on the style chain. Even without the hat, the kid looks as respectable as he could.
So maybe the style isn't too convincing. After all, even Michael Jackson was stylish back in the day and well, let's just say he's not the saltiest cracker in the box anymore. Anyone can be stylish, especially after the movie. So what else makes me so sure he is Frankie? Well, who else could he be? What, you have no clue? Right, because you never see him. That whole not seeing someone's face thing tends to happen when you're running around the country as a doctor, pulling random flights for the money and even cashing out in Europe. That whole meteorite deal was supposed to be a two-man investigation. It probably blew up since they heard reports of Abagnale in the area. They thought they could have gotten a decent look inside, but it turned out to be a false alarm.
Frank Abagnale is a wanted man. How wanted, you say? Well, look at the overall picture. Everdred is a wanted man. Who wouldn't want the coppers to go out and catch the rooftop ruling thief that's going around biting people? But surprise, surprise, there is no Twoson police force. It's noticeably bigger than Onett, yet the only cops you see around there are the evil cops. They probably went bad after a few years after Abagnale. Weren't able to catch them and they went The Shining in Twoson. Carpainter is a pretty bad guy too. Going around painting for his cult. I don't know about you, but I don't want blue on everything. Maybe orange and white on everything to please those great guys at The Home Depot, America's number one home improvement warehouse, but that's a different story. Still, there doesn't seem to be much of an investigation on Carpainter. I doubt there really is one. It's all a PR thing just to make the common folk think that they're trying to stop the cultist. Those two may not have even been on the top ten list. But I'm pretty sure Giygas was. Come on, he's an intergalactic thing of evil trying to take over Earth. Even I'd shut the TV off and try to do something. Of course, since Giygas isn't human, his file could have just been transferred to the pest control division, but those guys have some decent firepower. Yet none of it's focused on Giygas. All of it's focused on Frank Abagnale, who conveniently lives in the only Eagleland city with a police force.
What's Ness's last name? Is it Hoffman? Haskins? Hutchinson? Or was he never given one? I'd be surprised if Ness's mom even knew what her name was after she married Abagnale. He's going around, going from Frank Abagnale to Frank Connors, Frank Miller, Ed Gein, Frank Conrad and all kinds of other fake names. Ness wasn't given a last name. Why else would you name your kid Ness? If you name him Tony and hope he can make it as one of those single-name guys, well it just ain't going to work out. Even if you name him Frank III, he may not stick out too much. There are plenty of other Frank III's and they all have last names. So you name your kid buttface, stinkyhead or if you want to go more appropriate, Ness.
Some kids aren't even allowed to stay out when it gets dark. Yet here's Ness, a 13 year old busy with school, going out on a long journey to save the world. May never come back and he missed a heck of a lot of homework. Sound familiar, Abagnale? Unless he gets some decent amnesia, it'll have to. That's why the parents never object to his leaving. The father's been through it all himself and the mother's just sticking with her husband. Sure, it's a completely different journey and one with more of a solid goal to it, but I'm sure lots of parents would object to it. Especially if they knew their little Nessy was putting himself in danger by going out into fluriffic Winters.
Every time Ness calls his father, he finds out he has even more money in the bank because of his old man. He gets all his money by getting violent. How many parents do you know who do this? For starters, Ness's dad has to be a pretty wealthy guy and wealthy Abagnale is. After taking millions of dollars from his various faked checks, he can afford to give something back to the kid. But like most parents these days, he wants his kid to earn that money. He knows the kid is too busy saving the world to get a job, so he pays the kid to do something he does a pretty good job at - beating stuff up. He doesn't complain about this because he's in no position to complain. No matter how much fun you're having with it, the whole check fraud thing is a bit on the bad side.
So there you have it, some startlingly convincing evidence that Ness's dad is Frank Abagnale. Next time you see me, I'll be telling you why Dr. Andonuts really is John Nash. Or maybe just one of John Nash's schizophrenic illusions.